I don't have a magic wand

You can’t call me and say “My computer’s broken” and just expect me to come and fix it with no further information. What the hell does that even mean “my computer is broken”? I think you’re head is broken and after I kick you your nuts they’re gonna be broken too. Would you just drive you car into a mechanic and say, “My car is broken. Fix it”. I don’t have a magic computer wand that I just wave over you stupid laptop and instantly all the problems are corrected.

If you decide you want to lead off your request for assistance with this stupid, pointless statement, then you must understand that I will have to ask a few questions in order to find out exactly what about your computer is broken. When I ask these questions, it is not an indicator to you that you should become more frustrated with me or your computer. I am not quizzing you. I am not trying to make you feel stupid. This will not be on a test. I just need to find out how you want me to help you, and the more frustrated you get with me with each questions just makes me want to pick up your laptop and smash it over your head rather than fixing it.

Also, acting like you’re just too busy to “deal” with your computer problems or explain them to me just pisses me off too. RELAX! It’s just a computer. This really effects you in a very small way. It probably makes you lose 3 minutes of your work day. Which of course is much less time than the hour a day you waste bitching about how busy you are. If you’d just shut your stupid mouth and do your work you wouldn’t be so busy.

So, the next time you don’t know what the hell you’re doing and screw up your computer, you may kindly call your IT support person, explain to him exactly what is happening and any error messages that may be involved and I will be very happy to come and fix it for you. If you call and say “My Computer is broken” I will very slowly walk to your desk, smash your laptop with a Louisville Slugger, and then ask you “is that better”?